The Attack

Today’s quick trip to the grocery store made me feel like I was starring in the show “What Would You Do?” But, before I tell you about it, I would like for you to tell me exactly what it is about a grocery store that brings out super bad behavior in kids? It’s like there is some kind of kid sensor in the entry doors that ignites the whining, and running off, and I’m not exaggerating here, laying on the ground in the aisles (don’t ask!), the fighting, the chaos, the…I could go on, but I’m sure all you parents are picking up what I’m putting down. Come on admit it, I know my kids are extreme examples, but there is always at least one other stressed out mom walking the aisles with a screaming kid.

Yes, I’m the mom walking around the store in circles telling my kids to get off the floor, stop having relay races down the aisles or to put back the sugar loaded, red dye #40 infused fruit snacks that make you little adorable monsters act even more crazy!!!

Most of the time what should be a five minute run in, turns into 20 minutes of agony, which leads me up to today’s episode.  So I’m standing in the cheese aisle very carefully balancing a carton of eggs, holding onto a bag of bread and contemplating whether I want ricotta or feta cheese to top off the delicious corn cakes I’m going to make for dinner. While the debate continues in my head, I hear Porkchop’s cute little voice, increasing in volume (becoming less cute) as he is standing there holding a carton of strawberry ricotta cheese (what in the world do you use strawberry ricotta cheese for?? – oh wait, cheesecake maybe?) repeatedly calling his brother’s name who is on the other side of me and actually behaving for the moment, but for some reason choosing to ignore his brother.  Granted even if Hambone chose not to ignore him, Porkchop doesn’t give you even a millisecond to respond before he’s again repeating your name, over and over and over. I finally reached my breaking point of repetition, so I turned to Porkchop, who only wanted to show his big brother this strawberry stuff and asked him to please just put it down so I can go back to deciding which cheese I need so we can get out of here. Apparently being ignored upsets Porkchop because his cute little face vanished and a red version of Hulk’s face emerged as he attacked his big brother. Right there in the cheese aisle.  Full, blown out, surprise attack on his brother. Jumped him. Hit him. Screamed at him.  In front of a handful of spectators.  I could feel their stares. I’m sure my face also turned red and if you know me, I’m sure my chest got all blotchy.  But I didn’t dare look at anyone.  I quickly pulled Porkchop off Hambone, who was looking at me like WTF??? I was probably looking at Porkchop like WTF??? I wasn't sure what to do, so I grabbed Porkchop by the arm and said something like “Seriously??? What in the world are you doing?? Unacceptable. Not cool! You will be in your room when we get home.” He started balling. And then hitting me!!!  Again – “Seriously???” I was horrified and embarrassed, but thankful that the spectators kept their thoughts to themselves, as I can only imagine what they must have been thinking. I grabbed Porkchop's hand and quickly lead us to the self checkout. 

And then, when we get home they go back to being the adorable little monsters that they are....

.......just like nothing happened. I don't get it!

Until next time, beware of my kids in the local grocery stores and live, laugh, love J xoxo

P.S., I’m embarrassed to report that when we got home, I completely forgot (probably because when we pulled up there was a stranger in my driveway with my Houdini ass dog that keeps escaping from my yard – but this time, I didn’t even know she was outside, so imagine my surprise to see her!)  that he was supposed to go right to his room, luckily for him his big brother reminded me J

P.S.S. I know y’all are dying to know which cheese I ended up with…..it was feta and it was delicious! J