Kids Say the Darndest Things

On this beautiful, sunny, crisp, fall like day, I thought I would share a few of my adorable monsters recent funnies :) Feel free to share some your kids darndest lines - I would love to hear them!

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The other day our family was playing a good old fashioned game of "cops and robbers".  Officers Hambone and Porkchop were on patrol, while the hoodlum parents were out perusing the streets. While strolling the streets all innocent like I was suddenly approached by Officer Hambone. With a very serious and stern face I was told that I was being arrested for speeding (apparently I was speed walking?). I was instructed to turn around so he could cuff me. Then Officer Hambone motioned to the chair, told me to sit, and shouted "You have the right to remain silent and you will have your day in Court".  His sidekick, Officer Porkchop, dutifully chimes in, waving his plastic police baton saying "Yeah, and we have woopins (aka weapons), so don't even think about escaping!" It took everything I had to not laugh at him and when they turned to chase down my partner in crime I escaped!

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So I'm watching t.v. when I hear a little voice shouting "Mommy, drop your stuff and come and wipe my butt because it's a hard one to get to." I smiled, but chose not to respond so he would do it himself. 

His little voice then shouted even louder,"MOMMY -  DO YOU HEAR MY WORDS?" I decided I probably should go help before he started using more of my lines.

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Yesterday while walking home from school I asked Hambone what he learned in school.  Of course he didn't remember.  When I asked Porkchop, he looked up at me with his most serious face and said "Oh Mommy, we don't learn anything in this class. We just have fun!"  I'm sure his teacher will be happy to hear that. 

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Until next time, for all you MSU Spartan fans out there - GO GREEN!!! GO WHITE!!! 

and don't forget to live, laugh and love xo

My New Job

One of the reasons I chose to retire was because I wasn't doing my dream job. I loved my job and my boss was great, but if you asked me when I was young what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you any one of the following: FBI agent/private investigator (what, you can't see me sleuthing around, spying and chasing people all Criminal Minds style...Mmm wonder if I would have had someone like Shamar Moore as my partner?), teacher (preferable elementary), writer (there still may be hope), or - and here's a totally random one for ya, a marine biologist (I wanted to work with Shamu). I blame my mom for letting me run wild with my choices, she never brainwashed me into anything like she did my sister, who was always told she will be an attorney (bet you can't guess what she is?).

Somewhere around high school it all changed though. I just wanted to be a wife and a mommy. I didn't want to go to college, I didn't want to be a doctor and make a fortune (what was I thinking??) I just wanted a family. Maybe I realized that my mom is the best and that I wanted to be like her. No doubt she had a great role model to learn from. She is patient, kind and loving. Three very important qualities to have when raising a brat like me. From what I can remember, she pretty much just worked Saturdays at a salon so she could raise me, my sister and my brother. She was always there for us. Naturally, I wanted to be like her (except I didn't, and still don't possess the patience trait.)

Since we don't live in the era of getting married at 16 (thank god!), I had to do find some kind of a career, so I became a paralegal. Then I became a wife. Then I became a mommy. Somehow my dreams of staying home were pushed away with dreams of being able to provide my kids with everything. I wanted a nice new house and brand new cars and toys for my kids and be able to take them on nice vacations and in order to do all that the right way, we needed two incomes. 

Then one day I realized I wasn't happy. I was overwhelmed. Every morning I was rushing around with making breakfast and lunches,dropping kids off at daycare, school, and then getting to work. Picking everyone up, making dinner, driving to sports, cleaning. You know, all the stuff that you accomplished working parents are able to juggle and handle well.  Problem was, I couldn't do it. I'm just not cut out to be a career mom, nor did I ever want to be. 

Why am I rambling on and on about my decision to quit work you ask? Because I want to shock you when I say I'm going back to work.  This time though, it will be at my pace. I will make my own schedule. I will work when I want to work on the days I want, during the time times I want. I will be able to take my kids to school and help them with their homework (until it gets too hard for me). I will not miss soccer games. I will never be as patient as my mom, but I will still be able to always be here for them. 

As much as I love these adorable monsters

I need to get away from them for a couple hours a night. Otherwise, they will be visiting me at the insane asylum. 

Now, I realize I'm going to get some eye rolling, and some oy veys. You may tell me I've gone to the dark side. Or as Husband #2 (I'll save this explanation for another post) will tell you, I've joined the Nazis. Personally, I don't see the Nazi connection to becoming a Lia Sophia fashion advisor.  What a fancy title for someone selling pretty jewelry :) I should point out that Husband #1 (the important one, Assman) is TOTALLY behind me. He is encouraging me and helping me realize that this is something that I can do!

I'm sure ya'll (part of my country girl wanna be slang)  have been to an in home party. Some of you probably dread receiving those post cards in the mail - I know I have complained about them before. "Ugh, not another one." "I don't want to go." "I don't have any money." Truth is, I always go and I always end up having fun. Not only do I get to enjoy a night out with my girls, usually with yummy food and drinks, but I get to go shopping and buy myself a present. Who doesn't like presents? And what girl doesn't like jewelry?

                  

When you're all done rolling your eyes at me, give me a call or send me an email to book your Lia Sophia party. I'll tell you all about how you can get FREE jewelry.  See I'm already getting the language down and I haven't even started yet!

Until next time, wish me luck and follow your dreams while you live, love and laugh xoxo

First day of Kindergarten ... Hip, Hip, Hooray!!

This past week everyone has been asking Hambone and Porkchop if they are excited to start school.  Hambone's response has been "I don't know". Porkchop's response was a very adamant "NO"!  Me? I hear the angels singing Hallelujah!!!! I was overly excited for school to start today! Does that make me a bad parent? I love my boys, but I've been ready for two weeks! Somewhat ironic since in June, I couldn't wait for school to get out so I could spend the summer with them!

Back to school! :) 

Porkchop was a little nervous and I can't blame him, after all it is his first day of Kindergarten.  Even though he has been attending day care since he was one and is used to being without me all day, this is a new school and a new environment for him. But, I am happy to report that for all his nervousness he did AWESOME!

The teacher let the parents come into the class and stay with them for a little. We helped with their first assignment, read a very appropriate book called "The Kissing Hand", and did a project to go along with the story. Then the parents left.  There were some meltdowns, but my very brave Porkchop was not one of them! I'm a proud mamma!

And I must admit, that even though I was excited for school to start, I was a little sad that my baby is not a baby any more. As I was sitting in Porkchop's little chair during story time, I started to read the poem that the teacher gave the parents. 

Poem from Porkchop's Kindergarten teacher

It was then that it really hit me. I found myself surprised by the lump forming in my throat. Oh no, do not start crying now (i managed to keep the dam up, no tears were shed)! How did we go from this:

to this:

Where, oh where did the last five years go? I miss my babies. 

I was ecstatic about school starting today, but I don't want you to think I didn't enjoy my summer with them.  I wouldn't trade being home with them for anything.  I'm fortunate that Assman is willing to work extra hard to provide for us so that I can be home with them.  We did have a great summer! It definitely was not dull - chaotic, but not dull.  The chaos was partly my doing. I'm pretty sure I have not mentioned yet, but last November Hambone was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. Since it can be hereditary, this pretty much sealed the deal for my self diagnosis of ADD. (I'll save the ADHD for another post.) 

So what am I doing this morning with my new found time? I'm enjoying my 2 1/2 hours (only 1/2 day today) of peace and quiet by writing to you.  Then tomorrow it will be back to work for me. I have schedules and routines to establish, my nephew to watch one day a week and oh yeah here's a teaser for ya, there's that new business of mine that I'm very excited to finally start pouring myself into (more on this tomorrow)!

Until tomorrow, I hope you and yours have a smooth back to school transition and don't forget to Live, Laugh, Love xo