A tear welled up in my eye this morning that caught me off
guard. I certainly wasn’t expecting it, since one did not shed all weekend. Surely,
I felt sad, but I think the emotions I felt all weekend about the tragic event
that took place on Friday were shock and anger.
People’s opinions were lighting up Facebook like crazy. Most
were about gun control. How guns kill people. How it should be illegal to own
guns. How there needs to be more strict background checks. How parents need to
raise their children better so they don’t turn into psychos.
I think the more I read, the angrier I was getting at
ignorant posts. The angrier I got at the posts, the less I thought about all
those beautiful, innocent children.
I hope those children said good bye to their parents with a hug
and kiss and walked out their doors and into the school knowing exactly how much
they were loved. I hope they had a great morning and that there were no little
arguments about getting dressed or eating or turning the t.v. off, or any other
little task that for some can escalate into fits of anger. I hope for those families that their last
morning was filled with love.
Every morning when I drop my boys off, I give them a kiss,
tell them I love them and that I hope they have a great day. But I will be
honest, there are days that I have walked away angry . Angry because something as
simple as “Please get dressed” had turned into a 40 minute battle. One were I
was told how much I’m hated, and that I’m so mean, all the while having things
thrown at me.
I know I’m not alone. I know from talking to other parents
with children that have ADHD, or ODD or any other type of emotional, mental
disorder that they too experience days that like mine. This is why I pray that
the parents who lost their beloved children all had a great morning, because I
know that there is a possibility that at least one of them may have had an ADHD
child.
It’s hard living with a child with ADHD who says such
hurtful things. It’s hard to look at your child who seems so normal in every
other way and step back in that very minute and try and remember that they can’t
help it. They’re impulsive. The brain can’t stop – it just continuously goes. I
recently read the best analogy of an ADHD brain – it’s like a Ferrari engine
with bicycle brakes.
There are parents who have children with severe emotional,
mental disorders that actually live in fear of their children. Even more upsetting
is that they fear their child will end up like Adam Lanza. As a parent, can you
even imagine having that thought? I’m not afraid of my son he has never done
anything to make me fear him. But my son’s ADHD is not as severe as others, nor
does he have any other disorder (at least
that we are aware of). Despite the
parents best effort, no matter what they do. No matter what church they take
their child to. No matter what behavior modification program they utilize at
home. And no matter how much love they provide to their child, the parent is
not responsible for nor can they control that child’s brain. So when you see a
kid spiraling out of control or having a melt down – don’t assume it’s the
parents fault! More importantly when you see Adam Lanza or any other person who
has committed such a horrible, horrible act of violence, do not assume his
parents didn’t raise him right. There is a possibility that could be nothing further
from the truth.
Do not assume that if guns were illegal this would not have
happened. Drugs are illegal and people
still find them. Where there is a will, there is a way. If this man didn’t have
the guns, he would have made a bomb or found some other way to commit this
crime.
There are still many questions that are unanswered. Why did
his mother have so many guns? Did she own them for protection against her own
son? Was she scared of her own son? Why did he shoot his own mother in the
first place? But most of all, why that school and why those innocent children –
what did they do to him? We may not ever know the answers.
What I’m taking from this tragic event is to be even more
thankful that I have today with my children. And to make sure that my boys can
feel the love that I have for them.
Today was a pretty stress free, smooth morning for us. I
walked the boys to school and as I dropped Hambone off I gave him a kiss on his
forehead (because that’s the only place I’m
allowed to kiss him in public!) and told him “I love you, have a great day!”
Porkchop and I continued on our way to his door. As he was
getting in line with all his friends, I looked up and saw his teacher chatting with
the parents, but I noticed as each child arrived she gave them a big hug. It’s
not unusual for her to hug the students, but today it was different. It was a
hug that was filled with extra love. Even I felt it. She made her way down the line
giving each child a special hug and said “I need to hug all my little loves”. That’s when I felt it. My throat got that
swelled up lump and I felt my eyes water a little. I quickly thought about the
teachers that sacrificed their lives for their student and the love that they
had for their children. My heart instantly ached for all those children that
did not make it home to their parents that day. It ached for the parents that
will not be able to kiss their children and give them a special big hug. And even
now as I’m typing this I still have that lump in my throat.
God bless those little children and even though I don’t
think I would find comfort right now knowing they are in heaven (only because I feel they should still be
here with their parents) I hope that one day they will be able to find
comfort knowing that they have their own personal angel watching over them. May
they hold onto the love and their memories that they have of their babies and
may they receive the courage and support that they need to carry on without
them.
2 comments:
Thank you for the very meaningful post. I have been reading some of the FB posts by parents with "mentally challenged" children, to use a description one of the amazing parents used in his post, and am so impressed and comforted by these posts, such as yours. I have a teenage with ADHD and an older "boy" with Aspergers. Although I, as you, don't fear that my children would hurt me or others, I agree with you that sometimes we try so hard and still can't find the right treatment or solution to a child's difficult problems. We try to do the best we can and love them despite and for their differences and strive to show others that although our children are different, they are still children that need love, friendship, and respect. I myself also have ADD, and find it extremely difficult to help my son learn strategies for organization and overcoming his ADHD symptoms. Right now we are going through a tough time, having been off meds and now back on them, but he's still struggling so much in school and I feel I can't reach him to help him.
Thank you also for your loving words for the parents who are grieving and the need to regularly tell our children how much they are loved. Sometimes it is difficult especially in the morning, but we must take big breaths and smile and say those special words, with feeling and meaning.
God bless you and your family and have a wonderful holiday.
Karen, thank you for your comment. I also have ADD and have the same issues as you.
Morning and bedtime are the worst at our house also. But you are absolutely right, we must take those big breaths and do our best to remember that our special children can't help what they are going through. We need to help them with their struggles, but more importantly, to assure them that are very much loved no matter what.
I chose to start writing about this because I find in comfort in talking with others and reading others posts that are in similar situations. There have been moments that I have blamed myself, believing that I failed as a parent. It helps to know that I am not alone and that it's not just my child that acts this way.
God bless you and your family also. Enjoy the holidays and stay strong throughout whatever chaos that may come along. We can do this! xo
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