Sugar Bugs are Evil

For some reason I have never liked the dentist office.  I always dread going to that appointment every six months. I’ve never had a bad experience there.  In fact, up until this last visit I never even had a cavity.  It was a long run, but I guess every good thing eventually comes to an end.  I’ve also been able to keep my upper wisdom teeth intact.  These are two things I’ve been pretty proud about.  But wouldn’t you know that damn sugar bug (that’s what Porkchop calls them) decided to drop an egg (or whatever it is that they leave behind) right in my wisdom tooth and now I’m told it must come out. 

I’ve heard that having your wisdom teeth removed is not a pleasant experience and that it’s pretty painful.  I can handle pain – I mean I pushed two kids out – that was pretty painful and I wasn’t scared or nervous about that (raising them – well that’s a different story!) so why am I so scared about this?   Maybe because I work at a law firm and I see how a simple procedure can go wrong or maybe I’m just a chicken shit.  I’m sure both factor into this equation.  Either way – it needs to be done so I will have to suck it up and do it.  Just for the record, I would rather give birth again.

I also can’t figure out why the hygienist thinks it’s a good idea to try and have a conversation while she is doing her examination?  Seriously, you have my mouth pried open and you are poking around with a sharp instrument. Really? You think I’m going to start talking?  I try to respond with uh huh and uh uhs, but it always makes for a very odd conversation.  And, if don’t try to respond, I feel as though I’m being rude.  I just wish she wouldn’t talk at all. I would much rather sit in silence.  It’s something I don’t get often at home.

Until next time - keep the sugar bugs out of your teeth and live, laugh, love xoxo

Dream Weaver

Last night I had a dream and when I woke up, I knew it was a weird one.  Problem is I suffer from CRS (can't remember shit) and for the life of me I can not remember anything about it.  I wonder if maybe I was abducted by aliens and taken to their planet? Of course they would have to erase my memory and that would explain it. Actually, that would explain a lot of things about me.

One of my BFFs, Memissa, often has very vivid dreams and what amazes me most is she can remember just about every detail of it. I love hearing about them - they are usually very silly and crazy.

The two dreams that I do slightly remember are pretty funny.  The first one was with Kid Rock.  I somehow met him and he invited me to come back to his place later that night. As I was walking to his house, I passed a garage sale and thought to myself, jeez you shouldn't show up empty handed, you need to bring something.  So I found some plastic fruit, bananas, etc. and took them to him.  Because what rock star wouldn't love some cheap, plastic fruit right?

The other one was when I was pregnant with Hambone.  There were ants crawling all over me and they were under the bed.  I actually got out of bed in the middle of the night and was looking under the bed so I could get them.  As far as I know, that's the only time I actually acted out a part of my dream. And no, I didn't smoke anything before I went to bed.

Until next time keep dreaming and live, laugh, love xoxo

Fridays Five

 Five Random Thoughts:

1. I drove the viberator today. It’s a GT and a stick and I noticed when I have this car (without the kiddies) I turn into a NASCAR driver wanna be.  Sure, she’s getting old and a little rusty, but her RPMs are still revving and that girl can go.  I love sexy flexy, but the viberator is so much more fun to drive!!
2. I saw a local t.v. personality this morning at Hambone’s school.
3. My phone went MIA last week and I had to get a new one.  I’m now working on replacing the music on it.  While doing this I discovered that I really like classic rock.  Yet another thing I inherited from my dad.  (I’m a Daddy’s Girl and I’ve inherited a lot of his traits. Some good – some not so much) I also noticed that a lot of the songs I grew up listening to are now “classics”, i.e. Bon Jovi. This made me feel old.
4. Joy and Pain by Rob Base and DJ EZ is Assman’s ringtone because he brings me both joy and pain (what husband doesn’t, right?) and because he’s a closet G.  Forget You by Cee Lo Green is everyone else’s ring because that’s my favorite song right now.  Oh, except for my long time BFF, she has Material Girl (I think I just found my new code name for her!) Not because she is materialistic (she’s not AT ALL) but because of the bridesmaid dresses we wore at her wedding. They reminded me of Madonna’s Material Girl dress, except ours were red. If I can find a picture I will post it!
5. I sang out loud the entire ride into work this morning and realized that I should be on American Idol.  I sing just as well as all the hopefuls (the bad ones at the beginning of the season of course!). 

Until next time - Happy Friday the 13th, have a great weekend and live, laugh, love xoxoxo

Turf War

I declared a picking turf war in my neighborhood after I discovered two contenders in my territory yesterday. 

As I was turning onto my street in the early afternoon, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a rather large pile of stuff sitting on the curbside about five or so houses down. I also noticed that there were two cars parked in front of the stuff on the no parking side of the street, so I knew they were the enemies.They must not have received their flyer about the new street gang called "Hand Pickers" taking control of the hood. If they had, I'm sure they would have quickly scattered away as soon as the boss (that's me) approached the loot.

As I drove closer, I was able to observe the goods: three vintage, metal stackable chairs, an old black trunk that was probably as tall as me and a pretty cool vintage dresser. All big stuff. I quickly regretted switching cars with Assman for the day, leaving me driving the viberator around instead of sexy flexy. I parked behind the second car and walked up to the pile just as Enemy #1 drove off with one chair.  Maybe she did get the memo and was scared!

As I inspected the pile, I knew I wanted that dresser, but how would it fit in the viberator?  I glanced over at my remaining opponent, who was still sitting in her car, to see what she was driving.  Good - a mid size car - she can't take it in that. 

I ran, really it was more of a fast walk, back to my car so I could park directly in front of the pile. Just as I did that Enemy #2 walked up to my dresser.  Oh no you don't lady, that's mine - ran through my head, but not out of my mouth. Some bad ass boss I am!

She had her hands all over my dresser. So I did what every bad ass boss would do and asked her if she was taking it.  She said yes.  Now curious how she was going to get it home, I asked if she needed help.  Again - way to make them fear you Nicole! She said no, and that she would come back later with a different car to get the rest.  In hind sight, I should have done just that - grabbed one of the drawers and taken it with me to the car when I went to move it. You learn from your mistakes and I will not make that mistake again!

I checked out the trunk - it was pretty cool looking.  Aside from it definitely not fitting in my car, it was all rusted and moldy. I made a mental note (probably not the best note to make, seeing as though I always forget about them!) to tell Assman about it when he gets home. I grabbed the remaining two chairs, stuffed them in the viberator and went home to plant my vegetable container garden. 

Of course, by the time I remembered to tell Assman about the trunk unknown Enemy #3 had already taken it. I'm not off to a good start with my territory battle, but soon enough I will make my presence known to these rivals and they will fear me!

Until next time, stay out of my territory and live, laugh, love xoxo

I Do Not Pee Out of My Butt

I had a somewhat uncomfortable conversation with my 3 year old Porkchop the other day that went something like this:

"Mommy, I know you pee out of your butt, because you don't have a penis."  What on earth made him suddenly decide to tell me this???

Hhhmmm.  "You are right honey, Mommy does not have a penis, but I do not pee out of my butt."  I hoped that was enough of an explanation, but I should have known better. 

"Then where does your pee come from?"

Uggghhhhh, uncomfortableness..... "Mommy has a vagina." 

"What's a gina". 

"Quick, look outside, I see a flying pig!!"

And that was the end of that.  I hope he doesn't ask me where babys come from anytime soon!

Goals and Diets

Goals are supposed to be a good thing.  They give you something to strive for and when followed- a sense of accomplishment.  However, like my past diet, exercise, budget, gardening, sewing, knitting, cooking and home organizational goals, my writing goal has already been shot to hell. To prevent discouragement and to help me attain my goal, I made a slight change.  Instead of everyday it will be to write no less then three times a week.

Speaking of diets, Assman is starting the low carb diet today and asked if I would like to join him.  This would be a very tough commitment for me. What feels like forever ago (pre-kids) I very successfully followed the Atkins diet.  I lost weight, exercised and most importantly felt great.  I had a ton of energy and felt ambitious enough to get up just about every morning and go for a walk/jog. 

However, here are a few major food pitfalls that I see right away and probably some of the reasons why that lifestyle changing diet didn't stick with me:

(1) Popcorn.  I can't give this up - it's just not going to happen.  Last night I had some of Trader Joe's Organic Popcorn with Olive Oil.  Even though it was not smothered in tasty, artery clogging butter - it was still delicious and I'm not ashamed to admit I finished off more than half of a pretty big sized bag. 

(2) Pilaf.  I'm Armenian and I like my pilaf.  Mine never comes out as good as my grandma's or nana's, but it's still good and it seems to be a staple in the summer when we bbq. 

(3) Ice cream.  I love ice cream almost as much as I love popcorn. In fact, I would skip the cookies and cake for a big bowl of cookie dough ice cream.  Yes, I know they have low carb ice-cream, but it's just not the same as Edys, Gurnseys or Coldstone.

I just don't think I can, scratch that, I don't want to deprive myself of my favorite foods. Instead, in order for me to lose enough weight so it doesn't look like I'm four months pregnant while I'm in my bathing suit this summer, my diet will consist of portion control and exercising. 

Against my better judgment, I've come up with the 30 day challenge. Assman can diet using low/no carbs and I will use portion control and we will see who does better. Now, I say against my better judgment because at the end of this challenge I'm screwed either way.  Assman is extremely competitive. So much so he will not even let the kids win an occasional tic-tac-toe game.  He rarely loses against me and when he does he is a very sore loser.  He's also a sore winner, which is why like in NFL I'm going to institute some sort of penalty for excessive cheering!

Until next time, set an attainable goal and live, laugh, love :)